She coming over soon
at least that's what she's told me
It's been the story for a week now
And still she's yet to hold me
But i keep holding on despite what's really real
Guess I'm just committed to beliveing what I feel
which is subscribing to a fantasy
or living in a dream
hoping one day real soon
that life wont be what it seems
I'm trying to slow down this beating of my heart
because it doesn't understand how to tell the two apart
and then my phone rings
and its her apologizing
i tell her its ok but
my hurt's not minimizing
i crack a smile and then i shed a tear behind my laughter
to masks the utter anguish of my relationship in disaster
holding on to the belief
that things maybe someday change
but today i walk with God
though its good, its still kinda strange
oh well...
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About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell.
I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process].
I was released from hospital 16th September 2004, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins.
Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities.
John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages.
God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17]. I was saved, I am saved, and I am being saved. Yes, but only God knows who they are.
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE
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